A fork in the road: Which path will you choose?
Each of us has a unique path, the steps we take on our own personal journey.
Inevitably, there comes a moment when there is a fork in the road, where you have to make a decision which way to go. Will I choose the well worn path, or will I try the one where no leaves are trodden? Will I continue doing things the same way, expecting different results? Or will I choose to do something different?
For me leaving China and arriving in Taipei was a fork in the road. I had the opportunity to keep doing what I had been doing for years while living in Asia, volunteering my time and energy supporting the school and other organisations. I was asked on a number of occasions to get involved, and people felt that I would be a great fit. If I’m honest with you, it would have been easy to keep going, it would have been rewarding in the sense that volunteering always is - doing good for others.
However, in my gut I knew I needed something different. I had a sense that I needed to do something for myself. I had a burning desire to create more purpose in my life. To find fulfilment for me.
LOL! I had no idea what that looked like. I just knew I needed to do the work to find it.
I tried initially to get a HR role, but even in an organisation where everyone used English, because I couldn’t read the local legislation it wasn’t an option. So that path was a dead end.
The ideas I had were far and wide, until I landed on the idea that I needed to start my own business. I remember saying to hubby, I have no idea what it is, what it looks like, where it might lead me, but I am going to start my own business. I sought support from the amazing Amel and Sundae inside the Business Idea Accelerator - https://tandemnomads.com/services/. And the rest is history LOL!
That’s the glossy overview. But if you are in a transition yourself, if you have the feeling that you need to do something different, then you will understand that it really wasn’t that simple.
How did that discomfort show up for me? Well I was snappy with the girls, all the time. It didn’t take anything for me to raise my voice. A little spilled milk and I would be a raving lunatic.
I was very short and sarky with hubby. I was jealous of his role, his ability to head off each day to work and love what he was doing.
I was overindulging in all the wrong things - chocolate didn’t last very long in our home at that time. And it was nothing to open a bottle of wine and watch it disappear while waiting for hubby to come home from work.
I was constantly pivoting between feeling guilty about my reactions, about who I was being. To feeling doubt that I was worthy, that I deserved anything more, that I was good enough.
Don’t get me wrong, if you looked at me from the outside, I looked happy. I kept myself busy. I loved going on walks with my friends. I always looked forward to a day exploring the alleyways of Taipei. I was enjoying Taipei. I was just unhappy with myself.
This internal unhappiness and dissatisfaction shows up in how we treat those we love the most. We take it out on our family. We take it out on ourselves.
It was one raving lunatic moment, when I saw literal fear on Miss J’s face that I realised I had gone too far. I had a dawning moment of “oh crap, this is not who I want to be”. It was at that moment, I sat on the floor with the girls and hugged them both to me. I apologised for being a mean mummy. I apologised for yelling. I promised I would work on changing. And… I gave them permission to remind me when I was being mean.
This was the start of a massive shift in our relationship. Because of my honesty at that moment, we were able to rebuild together. I guess I was fortunate that they were young, I am not sure a teenager would have been as forgiving. But for my girls, for myself, I made a decision to take that other path, the one with fresh leaves still laying on it.
There was a little bit of serendipity. It was me reading a blog post that led me to the course that would literally change my life. But it was because I had made the decision to change, that I was seeking a new path, that I was open to the opportunity.
It’s a small mental shift, it’s not easy to make, but it is the absolute turning point. What got me through this shift was determination, that I needed something to change for me and for my girls. I made the choice to invest in myself, to invest in my coach, to invest in shifting my life.
Each of us has a unique path, your journey won't be the same as mine. I don’t talk very often about this phase of my life in this way, because frankly I am a little ashamed. That I allowed myself to become that yelling person, that mean person.
But I wanted to share this with you because I want you to know that we all go through periods we’re not proud of, periods that will ultimately shape who we become. I want you to understand that change, any transition, shifting your life, will be necessary for all of us at some point. It will come from a feeling of unhappiness or dissatisfaction. It could be manifesting in the way you’re treating your family and yourself. Recognise that as a sign you need to change. And, if you’re at that stage, be open to the shift and get the support you need to do it well.
6 years later and 4 years in business I am grateful. I am grateful for my clients, for the amazing people I have in my community, for the relationship I now have with my girls, for the work I have done with my coach. I am proud of what I have achieved, and of course there is more to come, but taking stock right now I feel really proud.
If I can help you navigate your path, reach out to me today an book a free no obligation call - https://calendly.com/theleaptolead/coaching
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference.
* Robert Frost
