Are you comparing yourself to others?
It’s likely you are, because let’s be real here, comparison is natural. Often we do it without even thinking about it. When you see other women loving their careers and managing everything so effortlessly, you might think “we had our kids at the same time, why am I struggling to keep my head above water?” Maybe when you hear about your friend’s promotion, you think “we used to work together, when will it be my turn?” When you look at another couple, maybe he leaned in and gave her a peck on the cheek, you think “what’s wrong with my relationship?”
It is really common to use someone else’s life as a measure of what we should be doing or should be achieving or should be feeling. We look at what they’re doing and think but we started at the same time; but we used to do that together; but I’m working hard too!
What happens when we use someone else’s life as a measure, we set ourselves up to feel awful. When we use someone else’s achievements as a guide for what we should have, we set ourselves up for frustration. When we compare ourselves to others, we perpetuate feelings of inadequacy, incompetence and undermining our own self confidence. When we compare ourselves, we are literally saying “if I'm not doing that, I’m not enough”. It feels awful.
Comparison is the thief of joy.
We don’t compare ourselves out of spite for the other person. We somehow think that what we see is the reality for them. We think that the glimpses we get of another’s life is the whole truth. In reality, you have no idea how other people are getting their results.
Ok, so let’s play a game together, we’re going to bake a cake. In the next 60 minutes we are both going to produce a cake. Go!
After 60 minutes I turn up with a show stopping cake. You’re thinking, what? I haven’t even sorted the ingredients I need. You’re comparing.
You’ve got no idea what my background is, maybe I trained as a patissier and show stopping cakes are a walk in the park for me. Maybe I went to the baker and purchased the cake. Maybe it’s from a packet and I microwaved it. Maybe it’s my birthday and it was given to me this morning. Maybe it’s not even real!
But you feel awful. You feel it’s unfair. You feel that you have to work twice as hard to get lesser results. You’re comparing. All you can do is focus on your cake. What will your cake look like? What will your flavour be?
This is the truth right here, all you can focus on is yourself. You are on your own path. We are all destined for different things.
I know, I hear you, it’s hard to celebrate when someone else is doing what we long for, when we don’t feel like we’re achieving. It’s hard to focus on what we’re doing when we feel like everyone else is doing it better or is finding it easier.
But my friend, you need to focus on you. Focus on your journey. Focus on where you’re going.
How do you do that? With gratitude.
If you’re making the time to read this, to play this little cake making game with me, then congratulations! Start right now and celebrate you for being curious about yourself, for exploring what it is that you want.
It’s ok to be on your own path, taking your own journey. It’s also ok to recognise you may not be where you want to be, but it is important to be grateful for who you are. So right now, I’m celebrating you and I hope you are too!
