I don't know what I'm good at?

In celebration of International Women’s Day 2022, I am presenting a four part series of insight and reflection that will take you from feeling lost and lacking confidence in yourself, to having clarity on your strengths and a positive mindset.

Too often as women, and especially as mothers, we feel lost. We have lost our life. We have lost ourselves. We have forgotten what we like to do. We have forgotten what we can do. With this four part series I want to help women just like you. I want to help you to understand that you’re not alone. I want to help you to understand how you ended up here. I want to help you to rediscover yourself and get out of this rut. Because, and this is really important to understand, you can change your life, this doesn’t have to be permanent.

Part 4 - Debunking Your Limiting Beliefs

Have you noticed the moment you start to feel good about yourself, something happens in your mind that says “I don’t have enough time for this” or “I’m just not good enough” or “you should just stick with what you know”?

These limiting beliefs can stifle your progress and stop you from living the life you want. The reason this happens is actually a chemical reaction in your brain. There isn’t anything you can do to stop it, but there is a way to move beyond it… without giving up.

This is the fourth and final part of a series I am sharing in celebration of International Women’s Day earlier this month. In part 1 we looked at why you feel lost and how you got to that place. In part 2 we looked at how you can rediscover your strengths, the simple steps you can take right now to rediscover what you’re good at. In part 3 we looked at how your strengths can serve you and the two key questions you need to ask yourself.

Today we are delving into your limiting beliefs, why you have them and how to debunk them.

A lot of under achievement as women, and especially as mothers, is actually in our own heads. We spend so much of our time pivoting between self doubt and guilt, that often we don’t try to follow our dreams. We literally can’t see them. 

I had the privilege of working with Sundae Bean in a course I did a few years ago, and she introduced me to Amy G Dala. The amygdala is a physical part of your brain and it can hijack you as an emotional response to stress. 

Amy is located near the base of the brain. It helps define and regulate your emotions as well as preserve memories and attach those memories to specific emotions.

Amy also activates your fight-or-flight response. This response can help people in immediate physical danger react quickly for their safety and security. For example, it helped early humans respond to threats to avoid being injured or killed. Amy activates your fight-or-flight response without any initiative from you. When that part of your brain senses danger, it signals your brain to pump stress hormones, preparing your body to either fight for survival or to flee to safety.

Today, your fight-or-flight response is more likely to be triggered by emotions such as stress, fear, and anxiety.

In summary, Amy’s role is to protect you, so if you start putting yourself out there and taking risks, Amy is going to try and stop you, she doesn’t want you to get hurt. Amy will always find a counter argument or reason why you can’t or shouldn’t do this. 

Which is why, just when you start to feel good about yourself, Amy arrives and gives you a good kick in the butt. She doesn’t want you to put yourself at risk. She doesn’t want you to fail. She wants to protect you.

So when you start to get clarity on yourself, your strengths and how these can serve you, Amy will rear her ugly little head and start telling you “you’re too busy” or “your family needs your attention elsewhere” or “you can’t do this” or even “you don’t deserve this”.

Amy can be really mean. LOL I am sorry if your name is Amy! I had one client who couldn’t call her Amy so she chose Priscilla, you can do the same if it makes it easier for you. But in all seriousness, Amy is in all of us. She can be mean, but her intentions are good, she wants to protect you. However, you can prevent this Amy hijack. You can gain control over your brain’s irrational responses.

Start by tuning in to what Amy is trying to tell you. And then ask yourself, is it true? Really dig deep when you ask yourself this question. Amy says “you don’t deserve this” and you consider is it true? The answer is no, it’s not true. You deserve to live your life the way you want, aligning with your strengths and using them to serve you and your family. If Amy is saying “you don’t deserve this, take a deep breath and focus your thoughts. Focus on why you do deserve it, focus on your strengths and how important they are to you. This simple step can help you to take over from the irrational thoughts and have control over your responses. 

You may have heard of imposter syndrome? I find this is actually really common in my clients and it is something that we invest a reasonable amount of time in debunking. Because as women, and again especially as mothers, we doubt ourselves, our abilities and we feel like we are failing at everything. 

Now that you understand how Amy works, you can see how easily imposter syndrome can affect your mindset and lead you into a spiral of negative thought and disbelief in yourself.

It doesn’t have to be this way. You can take over from the irrational thoughts by taking a deep breath, acknowledging what is going on in your mind and why, then asking yourself is it true? The answer 99% of the time is NO! So you can thank Amy for trying to protect you, and move forward again.

Get your journal out now, or your trusty piece of paper :-) and draw two columns and label them:

1. What is Amy telling me?
2. Is it true? Why not?

Invest some time in this, the clearer you are about Amy and how she is working in your brain, the easier it will be to debunk her. The more often you tune into Amy, the quicker you will be able to take back control of your responses. 

You can’t stop Amy, she is a normal chemical reaction in your brain. But you can move forward without her, without giving up. You can live the life you want, the way you want, serving yourself AND your family.

If this sounds like something you would like to explore further privately in a one on one conversation, I invite you to book a call with me. Let’s connect and talk about your situation and how you can change it. This is a FREE call, there is no obligation, simply allow me the opportunity to support you. Book your call here - https://calendly.com/expatparentingabroad/coaching